I need help with proofreading and edit an essay for a scholarship due tomorrow!?

Can anyone assist me and take a quick glance at the second half of my essay? The prompt is "What does Chicano/Latino experience


mean to you and how does achieving your educational goals benefit the


Latino community?" Any suggestions or input is welcomed! Here's what I neeed edited:











I want work towards receiving my Associate of Arts degree in Sociology at Chabot College. After this degree at Chabot College I want to transfer to San Francisco State University and pursue a Bachelors Degree in Sociology. My main goal is receive a Ph D. in Child Psychology. . By achieving my educational goals I want to become a new paradigm of success for the Latino community and hope that with my achievements I can inspire youth to do the same. I could effectively assist Latino youth counselor by guiding them through the same struggles I had to deal with. Such as the cultural clash that often occurs when an adolescent spends the majority of their life in region foreign to their parents and has to learn to satisfy both cultures simultaneously. I have seen the frequency of Latino youth's poor academic performance and drop out rates increase. The decline of academic performance is often due to parents who are burdened with the physically laborious jobs they have and don鈥檛 have the dispensable time to educate their children about the importance of education and provide continuous support for them. I want to facilitate the transition for incoming students from other countries and help them adjust to the cultural difference they will experience. I want to apply my experiences as a Chicano and utilize my education to help Latino youth succeed. Which is an essential component to helping the Latino community progress and achieve.|||you might want to try and shorten sentences so they dont sound so longwinded. try reading this outloud as it is and see how far you get.





The decline of academic performance is often due to parents who are burdened with the physically laborious jobs they have and don鈥檛 have the dispensable time to educate their children about the importance of education and provide continuous support for them.





this IS one sentence right? read this entire essay outloud. itll help you find things that just dont sound right. your essay does not seem to come to much of a conclusion. it just seems to end. apart from anything the last sentence is incomplete.





incidently, replace the "i want"s with "i would like to" otherwise you sound slightly childish. i want this. i want that. you see what i mean? no offense.








By achieving my educational goals I want to become a new paradigm of success for the Latino community(,) %26lt;--COMMA and hope that with my achievements I can inspire youth to do the same.





I could %26lt;----REPLACE THE COULD WITH WILL





so





I will effectively assist Latino youth counselor by guiding them through the same struggles I had to deal with(,) %26lt;---COMMA such as the cultural clash that often occurs when an adolescent spends the majority of their life in (A) region foreign to their parents and has to learn to satisfy both cultures simultaneously.








I want %26lt;---- (LEAVE THIS ONE) to facilitate the transition for incoming students from other countries and help them adjust to the cultural difference they will experience. (I want) %26lt;----REPLACE THAT WITH-%26gt;


I (will be able) to apply my experiences as a Chicano and utilize my education to help (the) Latino youth succeed. THIS(not which) is an essential component to helping the Latino community progress and achieve.





all i can see are simple grammatical errors. apart from that your motives seem just and your determination apparent. you should do fine :D just correct some little things, and if possible get a friend to proofread it. read it to him or her as well and see what they say.





if you would like to ask any questions my email is J.Singh@rock.com





hope this helped


good day|||First off, check all your punctuations. Commas are missing everywhere!





The first sentence needs a little work. Start off with an introduction, not directly what you want.





You can also replace "i want" with "I plan on transferringg...blah blah blah"





Here's what you said:


I could effectively assist Latino youth counselor by guiding them through the same struggles I had to deal with. Such as the cultural clash that often occurs when an adolescent spends the majority of their life in region foreign to their parents and has to learn to satisfy both cultures simultaneously.





okay. delete the word counselor. doesn't make sense. there is also a plural and singular dsagreement. dont say "when an adolescent..." and then say "majority of THEIR life..."





in A region...











you just really need to read this out loud and ask yourself if it makes sense. it's good but..fragmented and not proper english.





good luck with all of this though!