Everyone says that you have to love yourself before someone can love you. In my specific case, I ask you how can this statement apply to someone with such a unique situation as myself. I am going on 31 and have never had a real g/f nor have been serious with anyone in my entire life. Long story short, I had an a**hole/abusive dad who didn't care about me, was moved on THREE separate occasions while growing up with the last one being my freshman year of high school, and wasn't able to take the traditional path to college directly out of high school. Due to my total lack of self-confidence and/or self-esteem, I never got to date while in high school. Since I didn't have the support of my parents in terms of money and/or moral support, I did what I had to do and joined the Marine Corps. Much to my surprise, Marines are hated in eastern NC and aren't liked in the towns surrounding Lejeune and Cherry Point. With that said, I lived in total isolation and didn't get to date while in the Marines. I got out of the Marines, moved to CO, got a job here, got laid off, and started going to college here. I live in CO's second largest "city" btw. Women here won't have anything to do with me here presumably because I didn't grow up in CO SPGS and/or I am not from this region of the country. I've tried all of the traditional methods of trying to meet single women (to include online dating) and they just don't work in this STRANGE town. Both women and society label someone such as myself as either being secretly gay or a loser for being as old as I am while simultaneously having zero relationship experience. If I transfer colleges and move to another town then any woman who I tell this story to will instantly reject me and won't believe me despite the fact that everything that I have just mentioned here regarding myself is the ABSOLUTE TRUTH. So, how in the hell am I not supposed to hate myself despite the fact that my total lack of relationship/dating experience is NOT my fault at all?|||I am very sorry about what you have gone through with your family.
I think what you need to remember is that life isn't fair. You are not alone in any of what you have gone through, and some percentage of those people managed to pick themselves up and dust themselves off and forge ahead. The rest, are still moping around blaming life and life don't care because it isn't fair. So you need to decide which side of this thing you want to land on. You have to embrace your past to get over it.
You can't walk up to people with your head down and tail tucked between your legs expecting someone to take you home. That only happens with puppies, kittens, dogs and cats. And you can't keep running from yourself because where ever you go, there you'll be.
I don't even know you but so far all I have heard from you is excuses. That isn't attractive to any woman. When you meet someone don't beat them down with your past. Tell them you haven't has it easy and go on with your being in school and what your future plans are. You see, you can shape your future so that when you are 80, you won't be telling this same story. :)
I do wish you luck. Be positive.|||Where you come from and your childhood experiences do not effect how a woman views you. It does however greatly effect the way you view yourself. While you may be having trouble liking the things that happened to you when you were young, you still have to accept them as a part of your life's path and choose to rise above. Eventually, you will be a stronger person for it.
Take myself for example. My mother was diagnosed with schizophrenia when I was young. I dropped out of high school in order to help my dad raise my siblings while mom was in the hospital. I had far from the typical childhood, and for a while that did affect me adversely. After all, we learn social skills as we grow, and when you don't have positive experiences to learn from it's easy to isolate yourself. You have to choose to put yourself out there, in a way to learn the skills you missed in your formative years. It's not always easy, but it's possible.
One final example would be my best friend. He is almost 40, with only 3 relationships in his lifetime. He is a wonderful person, but he does suffer from social disorders and had difficulty meeting people. However, he accepted this as a part of who he was, and knowing he did not want to spend life alone, found a way to overcome his disorder. He will never be the party animal of any group, but his confidence in himself, his knowledge that he is a good person and is enough for himself, draws people to him.
Once you accept your past, and the person you are today, you'll find it easier to find your Ms. Right. If you cannot accept those things as a part of who you are, others will find it impossible to accept as well. Long story short - find your stubborn streak, somewhere deep down, and tell yourself that the people that raised you, the things you've missed out on do not define you and will not beat you.|||First stop blaming your dad and the Marines for your current situation....
LIFES #1 RULE: Only you can change your life...Only you can live your life the best way you see fit...If you do not like your life the way it is...CHANGE IT...Only YOU can change your life or perhaps have the WANT TO..Only you can decide..
However, do not blame anyone else for your life and its current situation. again...only you are responsible for your life and how you choose to live it.|||Self-confidence issues are hard to deal with because it's hard to be objective when you're feeling this low. However,there are a bunch of online resources. The one that I've found the most helpful is called Thirty Days of Change (www.thirtydaysofchange.com) and it's free :)
http://thirtydaysofchange.com
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment