Hey everyone, thanks so much for reading this! Ok, I know this is probably the longest thing written on YA, but at least *try* to make it to the end! I just feel very desperate right now.
To start, I'm 18 (gay). Right now I'm a freshman college student (halfway through my second semester). I've never had a job (but have always done well in school). I live in the most bible-thumping region of South Carolina, and I just feel extremely alone.
Let me explain further. I finally came out to myself around my 17th birthday (though I still had a hard time accepting it). I told my best friend about 6 months later. She didn't agree with it, and was very vocal about it at first. She eventually accepted it and she grew to be a big supporter for me (at least that's what I thought).
Even after I had told her that I was gay, I still had a very hard time dealing with all the feelings that came with it. I still felt fairly alone, especially with living in the bible belt. I didn't feel comfortable enough to tell anyone else, but I felt that as long as I had my friend to lean on then I would eventually gain the strength to come out.
I eventually realized that she was using me as a crutch *more* then I was using her as one (for her own insecurities). For 5 years, we did EVERYTHING together, and me telling her I was gay made me even more dependent on her. In my perspective, it was an extremely unhealthy relationship. I felt like I wanted to get out, but I didn't what I would be able to do without her (or how I could even crush her by saying that).
A week ago, she told me in a 8 page text that she "had something to tell me in the summer, when it would be less stress on us both". She put little things in there like "you're my best friend and I can't imagine my life without you" and "you've been the only constant in my life, so I don't want you to be angry". I knew what was coming, so I just went ahead and said "it's because I'm gay isn't it? You still have a problem with it?". She confirmed it.
I went to my room and cried like it was the first time I had ever felt sadness. Suicide even passed through my mind a few times. I wanted to stop, but I knew that I had to let everything out. My mom came into my room (to ask me something I guess) and saw that I was crying, so she started to. She kept asking me what was wrong, but I never told her. I just said that "I'm alright, it's just wavering of emotions, it's such a stupid thing to cry about". She stayed in there while she hugged me and tried to cheer me up.
I feel like this is the perfect time to stop this relationship with my friend. I just don't know how to do it (I don't want to just come out and tell her).
I also feel like I need to get out of this place, and move somewhere a little more "gay friendly" for a while. Maybe then I can gather my thoughts, some supporting friends, and maybe a relationship. This could give me the courage to tell my family. I just don't know *how* to actually do this.
Right now Im attending a Technical college in South Carolina, and the plan is for me to transfer to Clemson University in South Carolina. Maybe, instead, I can transfer to a college in Georgia (near Atlanta)? Does this sound like something someone in my position would do? I would have to get a job in Atlanta to be able to do this, and a roommate. Is there anyway to make sure that my roommate could be a girl, or another gay guy?
So basically my questions are: How do you think I should dismiss my friend, what do you think about my moving plan (any suggestions would be *AMAZING* on that), and how would I get to meet new gay friendly people if I *did* move?
I can't thank you enough for actually reading all of this, and thanks again for anyone who replies! This just feels like the worst time of my life, but I do know that things will always get better :) Thanks everyone!|||Money is indeed a concern... Yes, I would try branching out.
You can drive, I assume?
Try finding LGBT groups... Those things are actually amazing. It's a natural comfort zone.
Whether you can or can't move, try finding a LGBT support group. (I googled for my area and found a big group and a small group)
You will make friends through friends and things will get better as you already know.
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As for dismissing your friend.. This type of thing just happens. A simple "I adore you very much, but I think we should take time apart."
Just talk to her less and less and spend your time/mind elsewhere.
Life is full of transitions and you're heading for a better one.|||First off sorry about essentially losing your best friend, that would be a horrible feeling.
Second, if you think you could salvage the friendship I think you should try. Know that people change their views. Apparently your friend has changed her views multiple times. I think it's complete BS for that girl to tell you she's still your friend but to refuse to get past her stupid ideas of morality. If she was a true best friend she would challenge herself to become tolerant. I would call her out on that.
I absolutely think you should get out of your town if you're unhappy. We live in an age when moving around the country is easier than ever. I found this website http://www.advocate.com/Print_Issue/Trav鈥?/a>
It even mentions a city in the Carolina's.
Getting work is just a matter of logging into some of the job aggregator sites like Monster.com.
Don't be afraid to take a risk if it will mean that you will find happiness and peace.
When it comes to coming out to your family I would say that if you are certain or almost certain that they will not understand then you should just not tell them. Peoples views about homosexuality come from a place of ignorance and indoctrination and trying to shake people out of either of those states of mind is next to impossible. Get away from them and live your life.
On the other hand if you think they might understand I would wait until you were an established adult and then just tell them like it is. Just say "mom, dad I'm gay" and don't try to sugar coat it or explain it because nothing is going to help.
I wish you the best of luck. Again sorry about your suffering.|||I don't get what the issue with your friend is you sound really close. What's bad about having a best friend? If you want to move to a more gay friendly place I'd recommend getting out of the south. New York is very gay friendly.|||Just my opinion, but right now is a really crucial time for your educational career. You said that you were a good student in high school, well I would encourage you to do the same in college.
If you do really well in college then, hopefully you will be able to write your own ticket after a length of time,and some experience.
You have all the rest of your life to be concerned about relationships. Focus of being an excellent STUDENT! Gain some really good, healthy friends, begin to network.
Once you are out of school and more financially secure then these other things will more easily fall into place.
I know this might not have been what you wanted to hear but, it is true. A good education is vitally important now, more so than ever.|||WOW!!! I totally understand. I'm attracted to both male and females. Only one person in my family knows. I could NEVER tell my family they would never accept. I also live in the bible belt. Tennessee to be exact, It's a very small town. I feel very confined here, but I am also in college I'm just trying to take more classes. I know the more classes I take the quicker I can transfer to the University of Memphis and finally graduate! With your friend that is a HARD situation I kinda have the same problem. I am slowly detaching myself from this person. I took their number out of my phone, I stop txting them and basically just not contacting them. It is actually my one family member that knows i'm bi. Maybe, you should slowly detach yourself from your friend. As for transferring that is a pretty major decision, so I would definitely take time to think it over. And if you really want to go to Atlanta. But if you do move to meet people you could join one of the groups for other lesbians. I know this is probably NO help, but your definitely NOT alone! GOOD LUCK!! you can add me if you'd like.
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